Preface: I'm posting Day 7 as a single post and not with other days...cuz it's gonna be long. This is more for my own personal use - to document my personal struggles and let some venting out.
Day 7: Sunday, January 10, 2009 AKA The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
I woke up this morning from a good night's sleep and felt well-rested. I reflected on the past few days of agony and was glad that I had powered through, because I suddenly feel a lot better. My head is clearer, and I feel much stronger now, mentally.
This morning's weight was only a .2 pound loss from yesterday. A little disappointing, but again...the salt from the cashews I had on Friday is probably still influencing the loss, or lack thereof. So yeah, 2 days of agony with only a .8 pound total loss in two days afterwards kinda sucks...but I'm not turning back now. Even tho I really, really, REALLY want some delicious, solid food - I'm still sticking it out. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow after 4 days at home. I'm ready to get back into a routine again. I think that the distraction of the office will help the days go by faster and with less struggle. If/when I do this detox again, I'll have to remember that days 4 & 5 are the worst and if I can make it through those days, I'm golden.
Randy has been so sweet - any time he fixes something to eat, he either takes it upstairs and eats it in our bedroom so I don't have to see or smell it, or he warns me so I can make sure to stay upstairs or in the basement. He's also been really nice about doing everything around the house that I've been unable to do due to being bed ridden for 3 days and due to being so weak - like picking up Harper. I'm lucky that he's being so supportive.
The day was actually not that hard to get through. But then came time for "dinner." This is where I consume the "cleansing soup," AKA what I now refer to as the PVM - Puree Vegetable Mush. I'm telling you people, I've tried SEVERAL recipes and none of them taste bad, it's the texture/consistency of mushy vegetables that I just can't handle anymore! I've been forcing it down for 7 days in a row now, but each day is worse than the one the day before. When I sat down to eat the PVM on Day 7, my stomach churned with the first bite. And with the second bite....it came back up. :( I got so frustrated - what do I do now??? I can't do this soup anymore! I CAN'T! And without it, how will I sustain enough nutrients/calories to cleanse myself in a healthy way AND not starve myself?? I'm at a loss...
At this point, in my mind, I was done. I told Randy that I just couldn't do it anymore. He told me to stick it out, said I could do it. And I rattled off a number of reasons why I was done - I'm about out of supplements - it will cost another $60 for another can of green drinks and a can of high density berry drinks, I can't do the soup anymore - it makes me vomit, I'm just not strong enough, etc. I began justifying why 7 days was still a success - I shed 12 pounds in a week and cleansed myself of many toxins already. Quitting now would NOT be failing.
Again, in my mind, at that very moment, I was going off the detox. I got out my book and started reading how to go off the 7 day cleanse. This tells you when and how to re-introduce solid foods to your diet. You can't just go from a clean and pure liquid diet right back into your former eating habits, even if your former habits were all organic and healthy. It would shock the newly clean digestive system and can make a person very sick.
Anyway, like I said, I had no intention of continuing. I was already planning what vegetables to take to work for lunch the following day. And to satisfy the annoying voice in my head that was starving and crazy, I allowed myself to have about 8 CheezIts. Yeah, def not the greatest thing to have right after a detox. I also had 1 tiny piece of chocolate. And honestly, I don't feel guilty for either. They were very small portions and they satisfied my need for just a tiny treat.
But then it got worse...
I was about to go to bed when some stuff went down at home. Nothing major, but just enough to get me aggitated...and I headed for the fridge. There I found the left over treats Randy was sent home with from the party he attended Saturday night. I will say this, I didn't pig out, I didn't eat until I was stuffed, I didn't even have that much. But what I had was highly processed food that was high in fat and sodium and sooooo not good, especially when coming off a detox. :( But oh, don't you worry. I paid for it...
I woke up around midnight with severe abdominal cramping. Severe. Went to the bathroom. Felt better. Went back to bed. Woke again around 2:45am, this time with gut wrenching abdominal pain. I'm talking, doubled over, excrutiating pain that was probably the worst abdominal pain I've ever experienced, next to childbirth/labor. Needless to say, I got my payback for those few moments of gratification. I've been up since 2:45am, spending a great deal of time in the bathroom (sorry for the TMI).
But I've had a lot of time to think over the past several hours that I've been awake...which brings me to today:
Monday, January 11, 2009 (Day 8 - yeah, that's right, I'm still going!)
While laying in bed in severe pain last night, I realized that I have a little more fight in me. So I fell off the wagon last night. That should not entitle me to jump back into my old ways. That is all the more reason to keep going - to cleanse myself of the crap I took in yesterday. And if I don't keep going, that horrid 2-day healing crisis was a waste! Not to mention the night of abdominal suffering. Was all of that in vain?? No. I've got more fight left in me. Maybe not another 14 days, but I can promise 1 day at a time....and I can promise today. Funny, I went to bed feeling find and thinking of the food I was going to have the following day. Then, when I was feeling just awful, I decided to keep going... Strange how that worked out.
I came up with a few ideas to side step the soup. I'm definitely DONE with that. I have ideas on how to work around it, which I won't bore you all with. It won't be the same as the soup, but it will at least be SOMEthing. I have come this far and I'm not ready to give up just yet.
I weighed in this morning with a 1.8 pound loss from yesterday (probably from all the hours spend in the bathroom....again, sorry for the TMI). That's 13.8 pounds in 1 week. Is that even possible??? Yes, it is. Exactly 1 week ago today, I weighed nearly 14 pounds more than I do today. My pants are loose, my rings are loose, my watch is even so loose that I had to remove a link! My coat was even loose on me this moring - was my belly really that big that my coat was snug on me?? Apparently, cuz it hung on me this morning when some extra room in the front! I've lost 13.8 pounds from this detox in only a week! Why give up now??
I'm fully prepared for no loss or maybe even a gain tomorrow from the sodium I had yesterday. But I owe it to myself to keep going, just 1 day at a time.
I've also decided that no matter what, whether today is my last day or whether I make it the full 21 days, I'm going to be proud of myself. I will not feel bad if I don't make it to the end. I've done something good for myself and I've made it further than before. Every day is another day of success. I will be focusing on my SUCCESS and not my failures.
With all that being said, I'm still going. Again, I can only promise 1 day at a time. But I will make it through today - Day 8.