Thursday, May 7, 2009

Debbie Downer Time....

So, back to this "calf" issue I've had in the left leg for the past month. Well....it's not just the calf. It's the entire lower extremety of my left leg, and I'm beginning to think it's tendon or bone. I saw my family physician last week, who ran some labs for various things. He went ahead and ordered a lab that indicates something along the lines of muscles tissue and how it breaks down or something like that, which came back normal. He said the next step would be to get an MRI to see if it is possibly a stress fracture, but first he wants me to see an orthopedist. I'm praying it's not a stress fracture. The triathlon that I've spent the last 4 months training for is just 7 weeks away. If anything prevents me from doing it, I will be absolutely devastated.

I've been really down in the dumps for various reasons the past few days. A lot of crap has been going on at work, and I'll spare you the details...but let's just say I am stressed and unhappy. I know I should be grateful to even have a job right now, and I am. I just don't deal well with change and I have a lot on my plate right now.

Secondly, I'm very unhappy about my weight. And not your typical "I'm a girl, so I think I'm fat" kind of unhappy. But the kind of unhappy because I am currently at an all-time high (other than when I was pregnant, of course), which is 20 pounds over my normal weight. I had Harper in August, dropped 40 pounds over the next 8 weeks and have been stagnant ever since. I cannot get rid of these last 20 pounds for the life of me. I lost all my baby weight after I had Rylie and I wasn't nearly as active then as I am now. How is it that I am working out 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day, and sometimes for 2 - 3 hours, yet I'm 20 pounds over my normal weight??? How is it that I am doing all this, yet I have not dropped a single pound?? How is it that Memorial Day weekend is just 2 weeks away and there is NO WAY IN HELL that I want to even THINK about wearing a bathing suit, yet my parents have a lake house...so it's inevitable. I love going to the lake in the summer....but right now, I could care less about taking my fat ass anywhere that involves people seeing me half naked. It's so depressing. I saw my doctor about it last week and he ran labs on my thyroid. I'm having an ultrasound on it tomorrow. But I have a feeling the news is going to be "Your thyroid is fine, you're just a fatty." :(

And to top it all off, if I DO have a stress fracture, that will eliminate a lot of what I can do (running, and probably cycling as well), which means I'll probably just GAIN weight.... The weather is FINALLY nice out, and if I can't run, I will be crushed. Absolutely devastated. I have been so excited about good running weather and summer....and now I'm just annoyed. My girlfriend and I had made plans to start running during our lunch breaks on MWF. (Side note, my yoga class is no longer being offered because the instructor moved, which already has me bummed out....but I thought running on those days would help ease the blow.) Well, we went for a 3 mile run yesterday and 2.5 into it, I couldn't run....I could barely even walk. The left leg was in agonizing pain. So much pain, that it hurt just sitting at my desk the rest of the day. It hurt in the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. And now I feel like my plans of running are now ruined. I have practice on Saturday (swim 1/4 mile, bike 10 miles, run 3 miles) and the Mothers' Day 5k is on Sunday and I'm afraid I won't be able to do either. I'm upset. I'm in pain. I'm annoyed. I'm grumpy.

Anyway, enough of all of that. Looks like I'll just being doing a lot of swimming for awhile, which we all know how much I LOVE! *sarcasm*

Tuesday, May 5, 2009: muscle conditioning

Wednesday, May 6, 2009: 3 mile run, 6.75 mile bike

Sorry to be a downer, folks. I just had to let that out. I'm also sorry I haven't been keeping up on everyone's blogs. Work is really cracking down on internet time and I really need to keep my job, regardless of how much I love (or don't love) it right now. I'll try to catch up this weekend.

10 comments:

Melanie said...

I'm so so sorry to read this. Having had the stress fractures in the same damn leg last year, I know how devastating it is to think your plans might have to change. Do you know when you'll be seeing the orthopedist and doing the MRI yet? Ugh. Keep icing, resting, maybe pool running if swimming is not high on the list? At least you'll still be using the same muscles, and if you get the go ahead, I was able to use the bike after a few weeks, and the elliptical a short time later. I am keeping my fingers, toes crossed for ya, keep us posted.

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

Hey jump on the Downer train :)

I have been there with the weight loos after baby#2. I lost a lot of weight FAST...40lbs gone, then sat at 20 above my ideal for 3 weeks. I looked at my diet and exercise and made a few slight modifications. I started drinking more water and cutting out fruit juices. I swapped out my high calorie latte for plain coffee a few days a week. I started taking vitamins. And i wrote down what I ate. Those things helped me get past the hump.. Of course you have to do what is right for you...but that is what worked for me.

Best of luck with the injury and WORK... UGH!!

Happy Mother's Day

Bethany said...

You need to let all of that out! Good For you, for sharing. Injury is no fun, it took me 3 wks to finally go see the doctor about my foot and it was a break! Talk about devastating and then when I was suppose to be fine and able to run, I couldn't! Still Hurt :( That is why I am having to start over... I hope your injury is just muscle and you heal up quickly! And best of luck on the weight thing, I'm going through the same thing and I've had enough! Since I sit at a computer all day, I log my food on LiveStrong.com. Great site for keeping track of you food. I think running during lunch, if all goes well, is a fantastic idea. It really helps me get through the rest of my day.

Dancing Sweet Pea said...

Aw, I'm so sorry Ashley! I hope you'll get good news about your leg. I know it's been bothering you for a while now. Maybe going to a physio therapist might help? I don't know -- I'm just rambling! :)
I hope you cheer up and work life gets easier too!
I just want you to know that you are a beautiful person inside and out and you are an absolute inspiration to me!

RunToFinish said...

Hey we all have tough tough moments and that's exactly why you have a blog, for all of us to provide support!

you know when I had my IT issue I was freaked out about the lack of cardio, so I started really doing yoga and you know what it made a big difference in my body and i didn't gain any weight during that down time.

i hope you don't have anything as major as a stress fracture, but if you do you'll get through it!!

Fair Weather Runner said...

Dear Debbie Downer (insert WHHHAA, WHHAAA face here). It's okay to be worried and bummed about said calf issue. I've experienced being left out of races many times thank to injury, so I understand the potentioal agony that comes with it. That said, hang in there!! Plus there is always the elliptical. It can be a saving grace. We are kinda in the same boat lately with the whole calf, job issue. So just know you aren't alone... sometimes that helps :) Rest up chica. Ed always tells me when I'm injured it's my body's way of telling me to chill out and relax and rest. Very true.

IzzyBubbles said...

Totally understand where you're coming from on all levels here. Ask Beka sometime how badly I freaked out right before my half marathon when I thought I might have a stress fracture - I was basically non-functional. Don't worry about not being able to run and DEFINITELY don't worry about gaining weight...I actually think all the endurance training doesn't help you lose weight like you think it would. You have to worry about eating enough to keep your body properly fueled and that's the most important thing. But what do I know - this is coming from someone who's never been able to lose the last few pounds, either.

Carolina John said...

usually the weight hanging on while working out that much means you aren't eating enough. Try adding a smoothie every day with some all natural stuff like berries, bananas and yogurt. maybe a little protein powder in there too.

muscles need nutrients to recover from the workouts, and if they don't get enough you end up with muscle waste. you also might want to throw in some strength training a couple of times a week if you aren't already doing that.

i know it seems counterintuitive, but going through a tri training plan you stay balanced enough not to loose any weight. same thing with a marathon training plan.

AMC said...

Hey sweetie,

I'm glad that you wrote all that, you needed to let it out and stuff, and you have some great cheerleaders and people to support you which is AWESOME!!! Just hang in there and do low-impact stuff when you can...remember that running is -really- hard on your body and since you are injured, its your body telling you to rest.

And, I agree with ^ you are probably not eating enough because you are working out so much...so add up your calorie intake and maybe add some nutritious snacks!

Love you Ash!

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