So, back to this "calf" issue I've had in the left leg for the past month. Well....it's not just the calf. It's the entire lower extremety of my left leg, and I'm beginning to think it's tendon or bone. I saw my family physician last week, who ran some labs for various things. He went ahead and ordered a lab that indicates something along the lines of muscles tissue and how it breaks down or something like that, which came back normal. He said the next step would be to get an MRI to see if it is possibly a stress fracture, but first he wants me to see an orthopedist. I'm praying it's not a stress fracture. The triathlon that I've spent the last 4 months training for is just 7 weeks away. If anything prevents me from doing it, I will be absolutely devastated.
I've been really down in the dumps for various reasons the past few days. A lot of crap has been going on at work, and I'll spare you the details...but let's just say I am stressed and unhappy. I know I should be grateful to even have a job right now, and I am. I just don't deal well with change and I have a lot on my plate right now.
Secondly, I'm very unhappy about my weight. And not your typical "I'm a girl, so I think I'm fat" kind of unhappy. But the kind of unhappy because I am currently at an all-time high (other than when I was pregnant, of course), which is 20 pounds over my normal weight. I had Harper in August, dropped 40 pounds over the next 8 weeks and have been stagnant ever since. I cannot get rid of these last 20 pounds for the life of me. I lost all my baby weight after I had Rylie and I wasn't nearly as active then as I am now. How is it that I am working out 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day, and sometimes for 2 - 3 hours, yet I'm 20 pounds over my normal weight??? How is it that I am doing all this, yet I have not dropped a single pound?? How is it that Memorial Day weekend is just 2 weeks away and there is NO WAY IN HELL that I want to even THINK about wearing a bathing suit, yet my parents have a lake house...so it's inevitable. I love going to the lake in the summer....but right now, I could care less about taking my fat ass anywhere that involves people seeing me half naked. It's so depressing. I saw my doctor about it last week and he ran labs on my thyroid. I'm having an ultrasound on it tomorrow. But I have a feeling the news is going to be "Your thyroid is fine, you're just a fatty." :(
And to top it all off, if I DO have a stress fracture, that will eliminate a lot of what I can do (running, and probably cycling as well), which means I'll probably just GAIN weight.... The weather is FINALLY nice out, and if I can't run, I will be crushed. Absolutely devastated. I have been so excited about good running weather and summer....and now I'm just annoyed. My girlfriend and I had made plans to start running during our lunch breaks on MWF. (Side note, my yoga class is no longer being offered because the instructor moved, which already has me bummed out....but I thought running on those days would help ease the blow.) Well, we went for a 3 mile run yesterday and 2.5 into it, I couldn't run....I could barely even walk. The left leg was in agonizing pain. So much pain, that it hurt just sitting at my desk the rest of the day. It hurt in the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep. And now I feel like my plans of running are now ruined. I have practice on Saturday (swim 1/4 mile, bike 10 miles, run 3 miles) and the Mothers' Day 5k is on Sunday and I'm afraid I won't be able to do either. I'm upset. I'm in pain. I'm annoyed. I'm grumpy.
Anyway, enough of all of that. Looks like I'll just being doing a lot of swimming for awhile, which we all know how much I LOVE! *sarcasm*
Tuesday, May 5, 2009: muscle conditioning
Wednesday, May 6, 2009: 3 mile run, 6.75 mile bike
Sorry to be a downer, folks. I just had to let that out. I'm also sorry I haven't been keeping up on everyone's blogs. Work is really cracking down on internet time and I really need to keep my job, regardless of how much I love (or don't love) it right now. I'll try to catch up this weekend.